Frogs (1972)

Starring: Sam Elliot, Adam Roarke, Joan Van Ark, and Ray Milland

Directed by George McCowan

Format: DVD

Tagline: “Today the pond…tomorrow the world!”

“Jason Crocket (Milland) is an aging, physically disabled millionaire who invites his family to his island estate for his birthday party.  The old man is more than crotchety…he’s crazy!  Hating nature, Crockett poisons anything that crawls on his property.  But on the night of his shindig, it’s nature’s payback time, as thousands of frogs whip up every bug and slimy thing into a toxic frenzy until the entire environment goes environ-mental.

My Story:

This is something I wouldn’t usually do. But I’ll do it and it’ll be done in an hour and a half. Much like 976-EVIL, I saw a Frogs t-shirt on Fright-Rags. I thought the poster was one of the funniest things and I HAD to find the movie.  Lucky enough, the library had it.  I took it out and hadn’t watched it for two weeks.  Much like if I had to buy the movie, but it’d probably be more like two months.  This should be good.

My Thoughts:

  • I would hate to go into this movie NOT knowing it was about killer frogs, you know? I could almost feel the disappointment if the title wasn’t so blatantly obvious.
  • I go through reptile infested swamps on canoes all the time.
  • Oh boy, here’s the environmental aspect.  Litter, water pollution, God save us all.
  • Okay opening credits, I understand that the swamp is made up of reptiles and trash.  I get it.
  • Uh oh, drunk motorboating.  Not Wedding Crashers motorboating, but legit motorboat on the open water. He’s gonna slam that guy in the canoe.  Close call.
  • Why are the French subtitles automatically on?
  • Sam Elliot was in all denim when his canoe tipped. That’s god awful.
  • Mr. Pickett Smith? Hahahaha, Will Smith’s wife? No, nevermind.
  • “I have suggested pouring oil in the water to kill them off.” Is it too soon to make a BP joke?
  • If Sam Elliot had his mustache in this movie, it would be so much better.
  • WHO HAS A MOUNTED TIGER HEAD ON THEIR WALL?!?!?!
  • Sam Elliot watch out for the…frogs? Does that sound okay?
  • That property is just a dead animal graveyard.  Frogs and snakes and birds and…PEOPLE?! WTF?
  • That dead guy is Bub from Day of the Dead.
  • The father from Creepshow’s “Father’s Day” should pop in right now.
  • How did that snake get onto the chandelier?
  • 4th of July! Just in time!
  • Gah, there are frogs everywhere! I thought there weren’t gonna be frogs in this movie!
  • American Gladiators jousting on a log with pillows, YES.
  • …why didn’t they just call an exterminator?
  • Stop using the same shot of a frog.
  • The rattlesnake was clearly fangless.
  • If they put in another lengthy shot of Sam Elliot walking in the woods, I’ll cry.
  • I would hate to be an animal wrangler on this film.
  • WHAT?! HOW’D HE GET SHOT?!?!
  • Upon further review, this man shot HIMSELF in the leg, and then was attacked by tarantulas and Spanish moss. And one scorpion.
  • Horrors of Spider Island once again!
  • There are frogs on the croquet field. Not okay.
  • The highest-waisted pants ever seen.
  • This is just the perfect 4th of July movie, Independence Day’s got NOTHING on Frogs.
  • In the words of Dan, a friend of mine, “This is Looney Tunes shit.” A LIZARD just spilled two glass jars marked “Poison” and they erupted in poisonous gas when they hit the ground and asphyxiated the man in red pants, Kenneth. That was THEN surrounded by Geico geckos and salamanders post-death. And THENNNN Sam Elliot walked into the green house and the poison gas had vanished.
  • There have been no frog related deaths as of yet.  But the 4th of July cake now has frogs on it.  Gross.
  • I’m pretty certain this lady is gonna get killed by butterflies in a minute.
  • Woman landed in a puddle, yelled “owwwww” and keeps falling down.
  • Maybe the frogs are the animals in charge of this war on people. Because frogs haven’t attacked anyone yet.
  • A rattlesnake bit this woman Iris, and she already turned green. Immediately.
  • I hope the end credits song is “Amos Moses.” It would go along with the fact that FROGS HAVE NOT ATTACKED A SINGLE PERSON.
  • “He got bit by a snake.” “Is that an accident Grandpa?!” No, he picked up the snake and latched it onto his neck. Suicide. Stupid question.
  • I’m just waiting for some sea monster to kill someone next.
  • There is NOT a bird attack. No. No. IS NOTHING SACRED?!
  • Oh my god, the lizard cut the rope for the boat! Now they’ll never get off the god forsaken dock.
  • There is no way she can see from the porch, through the yard and trees and all the way across the pond to know that guy SOMEHOW got dragged underwater…BY ONE SNAKE.
  • OMG BOWSER is in the water!
  • This film is rated PG, just in case you were wondering.
  • “Watch out for the frogs.” THE FROGS HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING!
  • Really, you’re going to give the youngest kid the shotgun?
  • Watch out for that one snake, he’ll pull you under the two feet of water you’re standing in Sam Elliot.
  • Wow Mr. Crockett, you would lift yourself out of your wheelchair, fall on the ground, only to be surrounded by frogs FOR NO REASON.
  • Zero frog related deaths in that film. Zero.

The Verdict:

Dreadful. Very slow and dragging and, like my last comment, no death by frog.  In a film called Frogs that gets compared to The Birds, the film should PROBABLY be about frogs actually attacking people as opposed to influencing other animals to attack for them.  But I guess the filmmakers were like, “Well…while frogs may scare some people, the can’t do much harm when they’re in some Florida swamp.  Let’s make them fascist dictators and have them rule over all other swamp creatures…and KILL people.” Stupid, stupid, stupid idea. This wasn’t a fun bad movie unfortunately.  Actually, I take that back. Some of it was pretty funny. But it would’ve been funnier if the title and cover weren’t so misleading.  The trailer for the film gives a little more info though…so maybe I should’ve watched that first.

I like how my last line before I started the movie was “this should be good.” Never will I say that again. If this was my movie, it would immediately go on the Self of Shame. No doubt about it.

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One response to “Frogs (1972)

  1. I hope those frogs didn’t look like the one that lived in the fish pond last year….he was sooo big. Can’t believe Sam Elliott and all the others were in something this bad.
    Grandma

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