Satan’s Slave (1976)

Starring: Michael Gough, Candace Glendenning, Barbara Kellermann and Martin Potter.

Directed by Norman J. Warren

Format: DVD

“On her way to a relaxing vacation at her uncle’s isolated country mansion, a young woman is instead tortured and terrorized by her uncle and cousin, who – unbeknownst to her – are disciples of Satan!”

My Story:

Some good ol’ grindhouse on a hot evening probably won’t make the night any more pleasant. But hell, why not, right? I need to get through some of these REALLY bad ones, or I’ll never get myself out of the whole I dug. Satan’s Slave sounds terrible, let’s do this. Granted my DVD works this time!

My Thoughts:

  • Opening sequence=a man’s face into a devil’s face into a skull with horns into a cross into a sword handle into a sword blade into a tarot card “The World” into “The Devil” into “Death” into the devil skull fading out. I thought this was about werewolves.

  • Satanic rituals. I would love a glowing goat’s mask.
  • That man is wearing the most monstrous bowtie. Obviously because of the power of Satan.
  • On a first kiss, you don’t usually dive bomb the neck.
  • The fakest freckles I have EVER seen.
  • This is pretty poorly edited.
  • Alright, introduction of the niece. Her father’s brother is the uncle that they haven’t seen since they were kids.
  • They drive on the other side of the roads in England and I was wondering what was going on.
  • …The father crashed the car into a TREE in the DRIVEWAY because his HEAD hurt.
  • Wow, no, the mother will not be alright. She’s absolutely dead.
  • The daughter wasn’t even going to ask how her parents were before she went to bed? Rude.
  • That secretary is a bit clingy on the cousin. Uh oh…
  • You never yell “Keep Quiet.”
  • The sound of fighting woodland creatures outside my window is WAY more entertaining than this film so far.
  • Michael Gough’s mustache is dope.
  • Whoa tricky mirror shot.
  • “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stalk you.” Can you unintentionally stalk someone?
  • Candace Glendenning having a “premonition” is incredibly stupid.
  • Maybe the jump cuts are in the transfer from film to DVD. or the editing just sucks, as I said earlier.
  • “I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.” what?
  • “I don’t care what you do with other girls” sounds a lot better than “I don’t care what you do with your cousin.”
  • This man grabbed broken glass with his thumb, however his palm was bloody.
  • There’s some Satan voodoo stuff going on right now!
  • Are loud noises in an elevator seriously going to kill this man?
  • Oh phew, at least the voices coaxed him off a building.
  • Those pills just looked like Mike and Ikes…except they were roofies.
  • More unnecessary nude women. I mean, maybe it’s necessary for Satanic rituals, who knows.
  • I wish that the knife could’ve looked a little more like a knife instead of a paintbrush.
  • This last 30 minutes is going to take forever. Barely anything has happened in this movie…UNTIL THE INCESTUOUS SEX THAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. For God’s sake..or Satan’s sake, HA! get it? I’m just going to keep typing because this scene just keeps GOING. Jesus.
  • Wait…maybe this isn’t incestuous…the uncle did say earlier about how he was adopted. This allllll makes sense now.
  • They are all over the mirror shots in here.
  • “Who are they trying to raise (from the dead)?” Oh jeez, I don’t know. Maybe the woman’s gravestone you’re standing next to?
  • The room of Satan memorabilia is lacking light and dusting, even though the candles are lit.
  • Is Frances the secretary (Kellermann) really trying to help Catherine (Glendenning) escape? Or is this all a trick? OH MY GOD IS THERE A TWIST ENDING?!
  • I don’t think you just stab someone to death with a glass shard, you know?
  • Word count was 666 at the time of the resurrection of their first sacrifice to Satan. It’s a sign.
  • Happy 20th Birthday! We’re sacrificing your soul to Satan! That’s cool, right?
  • I wonder where the other Satan worshipers came from?
  • Straight up shanked him in the eyeball!
  • Throw your torches in the dry leaves and chase her down!
  • What a twist…not.

The Verdict:

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. A complete bore and waste of my time. What a stupid thing to watch and a waste of a write-up on the Leftovers. It’d be hard to follow Poultrygeist anyway, but I could’ve picked a movie with SOMETHING good in it.  This story dragged on and on and oooooonnnnnnnn. I would’ve watched something like this when I was 12 so I could see boobs, but now it’s just sad.


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