Directed by JJ Connelly
Format: Satanic Special Edition DVD
Tagline: “Making deals with the Devil is never a good idea.”
“When Catholic Priest and Inquisitor Nicholas Dread finds out that innocents are being burned as witches he decides to do something about it. Unfortunately for him, his superiors don’t agree and he’s burned at the stake along with two women he forced confessions from. While dying, Nick curses god and makes a pact with Satan to reign over his kingdom someday at any cost.
Now, in 21st Century New York City, Dread has returned to finish the deal. His end of the bargain with Satan must be fulfilled, and many will die so Dread can take the throne in his kingdom of over one hundred thousand corrupt souls. He just has to find the right bunch of victims…and it just so happens the best Goth Club in the city is ripe for this bloodthirsty butcher bent on revenge.
Can a group of Goths and wanna-be vampires hold their own when the real thing arrives?”
So…is this a comedy? It sounds very much like a movie Troma would release, but that’s just from the back. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. Gothkill was an FYE used DVD purchase and, let’s hope, a good one. I’m pumped for Mistress Juliya. Her show Uranium was my shit in middle school. I loved FUSE. I digress, let’s see what Gothkill has to offer.
- This cult is carrying flaming torches through the woods in daylight.
- He threw a torch! That’s how forest fires start.
- …breaking the forth wall? Yup. There it is.
- I mean, if you’re going to blindly worship some weird priest, you might as well get shot by him to be one of his souls.
- “Goth Kill…the Soul Collector” is the original title. Alright. So is the priest named “Goth Kill?” Is it one word or two?
- Voiceover explanation, nice.
- I don’t think that’s how prison works. But, I don’t know.
- You have to find him a new body? This is how Bride of Chucky started, right?
- Wow, audio editing isn’t a big deal or anything. I have to keep the volume remote at my side on this one.
- Why this voiceover exposition, I’m not digging it.
- Do homeless men usually look like zombies?
- Oh really, the state of New York all of a sudden decides to start hanging people again? C’mon son.
- Flambeaux looks like Mike from Jersey Shore when he’s about to be hung.
- Aw yeah goth clothing store montage.
- Why are you so upset guy, that’s what you get for making a deal with Satan. Emptiness and regret. Wow, who am I?
- “Scorpion Society” is the elite Goth underground. Huge news for the college roommates!
- First pair of boobs whuuuuuut?
- “I am just loving this collar.” Yeah, I love foot long spiked collars too.
- Let’s be honest, that club wasn’t that well lit before.
- I wish Nick Dread would stop explaining things to me.
- DJ Demon…clever.
- Thanks tarot card reader for nonchalantly saying “this isn’t good” about five times.
- Are there usually magic shows and tarot card readers at goth clubs?
- I lick the tops of hands when meeting people too.
- Filmmaking decisions: “How do we make it known that she’s been drugged? I know! Spin the camera around, stopping only on close-ups of peoples faces AND distort the music. That’ll show ’em”
- At least Nick Dread didn’t need to explain it to us.
- It’s not an “unholy ceremony” if it’s religious.
- Alright alright, so the film is making fun of these goth clubs a bit. That makes me feel better about this weird portrayal of them.
- Who would’ve guessed the first-time goth club goer would be used in a Satanic ritual. And ultimately possessed by Nick Dread.
- C’mon Dread, stop poking that guy with a book.
- “what’s the matter, bat got your tongue?” Yeah man, I get it.
- Oh thank God, another story.
- I swear they must have used an internal mic because the audio is real bad.
- Did executioners during this “inquisition” wear leather pants? They must have.
- Oh, American accent now? Where’d this priest come from?
- Mistress Juliya, even if you were relevant as that character anymore, your appearance is pointless.
- Is Nick Dread just mugging people now?
- Nick, listen, we know you found your kingdom empty. We found that out 30 minutes ago. You don’t need to break the forth wall to tell us again.
- “What should be done with them?” “DEATH!” Death is not a verb, stopit.
- Let’s rip on House by the Cemetery.
- Why is DJ Demon just doing roundhouse kicks?
- Acting is hard, guy who just got stabbed.
- Thank god the bodyguards found them all dead.
- AW YEAH CROWN OF FLAMES!
- There is no way that the “Scorpion Society” was 100,000 souls.
- Alright, I’m done with this flaming torture music video montage bullshit. Run the credits.
I always sound way angrier in my thoughts than how I feel about it overall. Overall, it still wasn’t something I enjoyed. It was very much just…there. As I say a lot of the time. I applaud JJ Connelly for making something he wanted to make, I just wish that it was done better. But hey, there are WAY worse things. It was an interesting idea that just wasn’t done in the best way. I can say, however, that it looked like a lot of fun to make.