Starring: Lori Lethin, Julie Brown, Joe Penny
Directed by Ed Hunt
Tagline: “This is one birthday invitation you can’t refuse!”
“Under the spell of a total solar eclipse, three women living in the same small town give birth simultaneously. The three children are angel faced, the best of friends and oh so innocent – but these little kids are the most lethal killers ever!
Just before a giant party to celebrate their mutual tenth birthdays, a series of gruesome murders begins. Like precision killing machines, the mini murderers can’t be stopped. Blood and death fuel their existence.”
You know, this blog started seven years ago. It was a place for me to go through my movie collection, whether to purge or to praise, and have fun while watching these movies. In the past three years, I got married, I moved to California, I subscribed to Netflix and Hulu, and the way I watched movies completely changed. But the collector in me never really stopped collecting. The modes changed, my budget certainly changed, but I never stopped plucking gems at the local thrift store or rental place. I’m at a point in my life now where the way I watch movies is changing yet again, and I want to dive in to my old physical media collection and discover/rediscover these flicks I picked up long ago.
Bloody Birthday was a recent acquisition during a trip to Las Vegas where we were conducting interviews for Survival of the Film Freaks. I didn’t realize that I was familiar with the alternate birthday cake artwork until after I purchased the above DVD, did some more research, and discovered they were the same movie. Aside from being familiar with the cover, I knew nothing about the film, but I assumed it was just another slasher.
- Eclipse births. Gotta be something wrong there.
- Look, maybe it’s a generational thing, but cemetery hookups were never in my or my peers vocabulary.
- Punk ass kids asking for no homework on their birthday, c’mon.
- Debbie (Elizabeth Hoy) has got such a look, actually super creepy because she looks like a little cherub.
- But then you find out she’s pimping out her sister Beverly’s habitual (un)dressing routine and you’re like…you’re 10 years old.
- Astrology is gonna be a huge factor in this one, huh?
- Little blonde Steven, however, already looks like a bully and is definitely gonna mess some people up.
- And then freaking four-eyes Curtis over here, THIS kid’s got some issues.
- Yeah, Steven is a cop killer.
- At least there’s one kid in this town with a good head on his shoulders. Thanks, Timmy! But now you’ve got a target on your back.
- Curtis, that’s a really real looking fake gun, dude. Don’t tote that around the junkyard.
- When I was a kid, I was absolutely petrified of getting locked in a refrigerator in a junkyard. Timmy is living my nightmare, while Curtis is just living his best self.
- Timmy now you’re exposing Debbie’s pimp kingdom, you are DIGGING YOURSELF A HOLE BUDDYBOY.
- Debbie’s got a scrapbook of victims/potential victims. This is the first recorded “Burn Book.”
- I’m just realizing Debbie set her own sheriff Dad up to die. Cold.
- Oh Curtis has got the sheriff’s gun. Oh he shot the gun. Oh this is a bold choice.
- “Have you ever played doctor?” Debbie, you are 10. I know you’re cold and you were born during an eclipse and you’re killing people. But that’s a lot.
- How these two ten-year olds are chasing Joyce through a junkyard with a car is beyond me but damn, it’s entertaining.
- Curtis ’bout to paint the town RED with that glock.
- So it’s the moon and the sun’s fault for blocking Saturn on the day of their birth. And “Saturn controls emotions and how you treat people.”
- Is there no Lover’s Lane for these kids to park their van? We’re just gonna do it on a residential street? And then no one is gonna hear Curtis fire the gun?
- Remember how their teacher, Debbie’s father and a handful of kids died in the past couple days and this birthday party still has fifty people there? The show must go on, I guess.
- Mighty Mouse party!
- All of these kids are killer kids, but Curtis is the worst by far. Debbie is the brains, Steven is the muscle, but Curtis is a god damn assassin.
- Oh my god, Curtis, ANT POISON in icing?
- Curtis knows, no one can resist frosting.
- #TeamJoyce. #WhereIsSaturn?
- Joyce’s boyfriend is a stupid idiot who can’t just sneak into houses DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING IN THIS TOWN?
- Ohhhhhhh Beverly, you wild child, you’re not gonna like what you find in Debbie’s room.
- CURTIS IS THE FALL GUY. DEBBIE IS A GENIUS.
- What I wouldn’t give to dial a rotary telephone just one more time.
- Debbie is finally gonna do some dirty work…
- What’s the end game for this little terrors?
- Debbie, you’ve caused your mom to be 5150’d. You are sinister.
- I’m realizing more and more how freaking crazy it is that these kids are just getting away with this stuff because no one believes they’d do it! That thought alone kinda freaks me out.
- Joyce, you don’t want to babysit Debbie. And you know that.
- Debbie, you sly dog.
What a mean-spirited flick. I dug the ambiguity of their reasons behind the killings, and those kids actually freaked me out a little bit. Their ability to turn from killers into normal, innocent kids was uncanny and unnerving. The film doesn’t have a lot going on in/for it, but the last few segments of killing and uncovering more information about the murders is great. The DVD transfer that I have was garbage, but this trailer really gives a good visual.