Category Archives: Crime

Zipperface (1992)

Starring: Donna Adams, David Clover, Jonathan Mandell

Directed by Mansour Pourmand

Format: DVD (Value DVD to be exact)

Tagline: “You can’t hide the face of fear!

“ZIPPERFACE is the nickname a frustrated police department gives to a mysterious leather clad serial killer whose hideous black leather mask sports a huge silver zipper covering his mouth. ZIPPERFACE is on the rampage, terrorizing the city with bizarre, cool, and calculated murders. The police can find a clue, as victims of ZIPPERFACE continue to mount. Beautiful female detective Ryder who is handling the case has no choice but to go undercover as a decoy to try to solve the mystery, only to find that she is now become the killer’s obsession.

ZIPPERFACE is a tightly crafted thriller that will keep you riveted and hanging on tightly to the edge of your seat!”

My Story:

Yeah, I doubt that. I bought this movie at a grocery store in Fillmore, NY for $1. It is in the exact paper sleeve that you see pictured above. Value DVD in English and Español! I made the mistake of reading a few reviews prior to watching this. I don’t think it’s going to be a very fun night. Let’s watch Zipperface, anyway.

My Thoughts:

  • Pretty intense police raid/hostage situation happening in Palm City, California to start off the movie.
  • The head detective looks like Ron Perlman.
  • They did NOT just censor him saying “motherfucker.” Oh god if this is an edited DVD I’m going to go insane.
  • No, nevermind, she just said “shit.”
  • The prostitutes just said that the killer was a “regular.” I don’t know about that.
  • Um…he just snapped a woman’s neck with a whip.
  • The hookers got away!
  • Sexism in the workplace. Yikes.
  • Why is this landlady being so uncooperative? it’s not hard to answer the police’s questions.
  • “I don’t like girls being called chicks, babes, or broads.” “What about bimbo?”
  • The photographer that takes pictures of prostitutes seems like he would be the prime suspect.
  • Alright, twenty minutes in and it’s made very clear who the killer is.
  • Why would the prostitute go out again after almost being killed?
  • Now the photographer is trying to seduce the detective. Oh yikes.
  • Is the soundtrack to this all MIDI?
  • Camera+wine=total seduction.
  • “Nobody minds too much if a few hookers get killed!”
  • They keep censoring “fuck.”
  • The movie spends too much time in every scene. So basically, I’d prefer if the movie didn’t exist.
  • Are you naked under that robe? Am I bothering you?” People don’t talk like this ever.
  • They even censored all the sex! For a movie about hookers and murder, they sure did cut a lot out.
  • Zipperface is no longer killing just hookers, he’s now killing mediocre theater actors.
  • Nevermind, didn’t kill the male actor. Whose name is Alvin. Just the theater owner and female actress.
  • They just pulled some Scooby-Doo shit, and pulled a wig off of a “suspect.” And then totally discriminated against crossdressers. Real nice.
  • You know when you try to have a conversation using only questions? Or when you hear every like, third sentence of a conversation? That’s what this movie is.
  • The misogynistic coworker is the most annoying character in this movie. Which is saying a lot because I’ve been annoyed since minute one.
  • WAH, YOU HURT MY FEELINGS, WAH, YOU LIED TO ME, WAH, WHAT DON’T YOU PUT ON YOUR SADOMASOCHISTIC OUTFIT AND CRY SOME MORE.
  • Where did this weird political storyline come from?
  • The lighting in this makes me want to cry.
  • Detective Ryder has said “don’t worry I’m a cop” multiple times.
  • Wow, they cut out all nudity, blood, and f-words on this value DVD. Not that any of it could’ve saved this movie, but still.
  • I guess it wasn’t who I thought the killer was! WHATATWIST!

The Verdict:

I buy Value DVDs for a reason, and that reason is usually because they are bad and hard to come by (usually). Well, this was bad in the worst way, and I’m UPSET I came by it, even. Just a really, really poor movie that I picked up out of my horrendous impulse to buy dumb stuff. Hopefully the three other Value DVDs I picked up are better thanZipperface.Mansour Pourmand has luckily made nothing similar since.

Father of Lies (2007)

Starring: DMX, Vivica A. Fox, Clifton Powell

Directed by Phenomenon

Format: DVD

Tagline: “Hell hath no fury like evil scorned!”

Father of Lies is a supernatural thriller about the Bishop Calvin Jacobs (Clifton Powell).  As a child, Calvin hustled onlookers as a street preacher, but after the mysterious death of his father, he reported and pursued a legitimate vocation.  His natural charisma rocketed him to the status of Bishop of Living Waters Ministry, and an international, multi-million-dollar phenomenon, with television shows, CDs, magazines, and books to his name.  However, when a crooked accountant causes a $30 million debt and Calvin finds himself on the brink of disaster, he reluctantly accepts a deal proposed by his childhood friend to lose the debt via a shady business,am named Luther Heir.  Unbeknownst to Calvin, Heir is the head of a supernatural cult looking to take control of Living Waters and amass an army of followers.  Meanwhile, two FBI agents are hot on Luther’s trail.  As the annual revival approaches, havoc ensues as Calvin tries to break off ties with Luther, endangering the lives of his friends and family-and leading to an unforgettable climax.”

My Story:

This was featured in The Loot from yesterday, and we couldn’t hold off too much longer.  So, not necessarily in Leftovers fashion, we will watch this movie immediately.  It may be for the better to get it out of the way.

Our Thoughts (Kyle, Carly):

  • boy starts reading them psalms…thousands show up in seconds.
  • And by thousands, it’s like, 20. way more than should be there though.
  • “keep up the good work?” he read a psalm for money on the street corner.
  • you cant hear the dialogue.
  • OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT AFRO. Is that Ol’ Dirty Bastard?
  • nice tube socks
  • …Are snake bites common in New Orleans? Did they cause a lot of deaths in ’71?
  • i dont understand what just happened. it was awful acting. heart attack? snake bite? a lot of screaming? oh good he’s in the church praying to god. good. great.
  • terrible choice of montage
  • hello stereotypical black baptist church oh em gee
  • that’s a fake microphone.
  • I’ve lost track of all this pastor was talking about.  Carly was right, the audio is mixed poorly.
  • Pastor to Bishop story of glory.
  • that is NOT how you become a bishop.
  • who was that lady? how was she mic’ed?
  • is that their house?! good LORD!
  • This is looking like Shelf of Shame material.
  • Learn to use a camera please, auto-focus on someone’s face isn’t appealing.
  • The Deacon is keeping some secrets…I bet he is.
  • Was Calvin Jacobs the young guy in the beginning?
  • Keep moving your hands up and down while apologizing to God, it’s fine.
  • love that fake accent
  • pastors wives unite! drinking out of tea cups that have no tea in them!
  • ew stop listening outside the door.
  • does tammy miller know shes not really crying? shes really really really not.
  • “I’m interested in your soul, not your body.” BAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
  • The non-believing white people staking out the black baptist ministry…
  • YES DMX IS HERE!
  • Luther Heir’s Satanic church?! Is that what this is?!
  • What. Is. Happening?
  • …okay, so evil spirits literally just attacked someone…
  • This is so anti-Muslim, it’s not even funny.
  • Father of Lies, I get it now! Because he is lying to everyone about where the money to save his church is coming from.
  • that explosion was beautiful. blow up a car and just WALK AWAY. walk away, don’t look back.
  • Suspicious white bags…cocaine or money?
  • They seriously need to stop switching stories every minute.
  • I’m tempted to put subtitles on, the background noise is completely overwhelming all dialogue,
  • Stop fading in and out. Please.
  • “His business is bloodshed.”
  • Why would Calvin lie to the police…WHEN HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON?
  • DMX showed up for like, three minutes.
  • What, is Tammy a vampire?
  • Was this edited on iMovie?
  • Thank GOD DMX is back.
  • I love out-of-focus shotsssss.
  • DMX, don’t you show no love to homo thugs? Real spiritual.
  • Why is there a screensaver behind Luther?
  • 3rd snake is a charm.
  • I wish I could hear what Luther is saying over Barbra’s crying.
  • The audio is peaking. Really? REALLY?
  • Luther, who are you Dr. Evil?
  • Yeah, Calvin really talked down a child soldier with the words of God.
  • LUTHER TURNED INTO A SNAKE?! THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.
  • DMX, are you stuck to that pew? In the same position?
  • Wow, that church isn’t very energetic anymore.
  • Let’s arrest some people in the middle of church service.

Our Verdicts:

Unfortunately, Carly left before we got her verdict down.  But I can assure you, that by the last half hour of the movie, we really didn’t care what was happening because it was SO god awful.  The audio mix was probably one of the worst things I have ever heard.  I think the movie may have been edited on iMovie.  The director has ONE name, Phenomenon.  And I feel as if you have such a name, you should be making great films.  This has been put on the Shelf of Shame.  Officially. I don’t know what else to say.

Manhunter (1986)

Starring: William Petersen, Brian Cox, Dennis Farina and Stephen Lang

Directed by Michael Mann

Format: DVD

“Former FBI profiler Will Graham reluctantly returns to his old job to track a horrific serial killer known as the ‘Tooth Fairy.’  But in order to get into the mind of this maniac, Graham must face another: Hannibal, the imprisoned psychiatrist whose own insanity almost cost Graham his life…and whose insights into the Tooth Fairy could prove as dangerous as the killer himself.”

My Story:

I heard about this movie on some Bravo countdown I think, and then later found out that it was the first in the Hannibal Lecktor (Lecter) series. I really enjoyed The Silence of the Lambs, as did my girlfriend (who you probably remember from the Trick or Treat post). So I bought the movie and it’s been sitting around waiting for the both of us to sit down and watch it.  We will today as a bit of a breather from the 4 Films Collector’s Set I’ve been dealing with.  She decided not to co-write on this one, but I’m sure she’ll have something good to add.

My Thoughts:

  • I really liked that opening sequence.
  • YES DENNIS FARINA!
  • I wonder if I should watch Petersen’s performance thinking about Gil Grissom or just as Will Graham.
  • Are they building a garden on the beach? What IS that?
  • They keep talking about Graham “going back,” I wish they’d just say what it is he’s going back to.
  • My god, that bedroom was destroyed!
  • That telephone ring sounded pretty bad.  It sounded like dying batteries.
  • My guess is that the murderer is going to come after Will’s wife…especially by this suspenseful music.
  • What a terrible jump cut! That was awful.
  • Will Graham is angry.
  • Okay, this guy is a serial killer?  I thought he was just a one-time killer.
  • “The Tooth Fairy”…really?
  • Can you get a thumbprint off of an eye? Is that possible? Oh, they said thigh, not eye. Thanks, Carly.
  • Will Graham just somersaulted a reporter onto a car! Badass.
  • That must be a newly painted prison! Those cells are perfectly white!
  • Lecktor is pretty good in this movie…I think I like Anthony Hopkins more though.
  • I liked the way he said “privacy.”
  • Oh man, this Lecktor is slyyyyyyyy. Nevermind about Hopkins.
  • How embarrassing, Will Graham WOULD leave his folder of bloody pictures open.
  • That suit jacket Graham is wearing looks glittery…
  • Graham is very intense about the Tooth Fairy.
  • I write on toilet paper all the time.
  • Did they just have a Bible kicking around the office? That was quick.
  • It WASN’T the Bible?! WHAT!
  • Stephen Lang always plays the most annoying characters very well.
  • I have lost track of what’s going on, you really have to keep up with all the evidence and discoveries.
  • Get ’em Tooth Fairy, get ’em!
  • The Tooth Fairy needs to get his cable fixed. That TV is going crazy.
  • WHAT?! WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?! WHEELCHAIR! FIRE! WHAT?!
  • The Tooth Fairy’s nuts.
  • I can’t say much more without giving it away…I just want to keep shouting and writing “NO!” and “WHAT?!”
  • This is crazy.
  • Nice Folgers product placement.
  • Classic hand on a glass pane looking longingly.  So sad Will Graham
  • The Tooth Fairy’s sun glasses are dope.
  • “Ride with me, it would be because I would like you to.” Such a smooth line, Tooth Fairy.
  • WHY IS THE BLIND PHOTO DEVELOPER PETTING A TIGER?!?!
  • Carly-“This is getting real creepy, real fast.” Why yes it is.
  • Wait til this woman finds out the Tooth Fairy KILLS people.
  • Sketchball van.
  • The 80s music is real bad.
  • …The conclusion Will Graham is coming to isn’t making sense yet…OH, I got it.
  • GET TO THA CHOPPA!
  • Every single officer in the station, MOVE OUT.
  • Oh, that officer definitely has a concussion.
  • That ending was intense!

The Verdict:

We actually finished watching this movie before I finished Mortuary because it seemed like this was going to be SO much better.  And it was, by far.  It was just a really great movie, both of us thought.  Up until the very, very end.  Carly wasn’t a fan, and I can’t say I loved it either.  It could’ve ended better, but it wasn’t terrible.  But overall, I thought the movie was great.  While watching, you actually felt as if you were studying the case just as much as the detectives.  You were making the connections along with them, and tracing a killer.  Until about three-quarters in when you know who the killer is, and how he is living life.  But that doesn’t take anything away from the mystery of where he is and what he’ll do next.  Sometimes the connections that the detectives made moved a little to fast to comprehend, but you caught right back up at their next discovery.  Some shaky editing here and there, but I was so wrapped up in the story that I could’ve cared less.  A thriller I would highly recommend.