Part 1 of 4: Salvage (2006)

FILM 1

Starring: Lauren Currie Lewis, Cody Darbe and Chris Ferry

Directed by Joshua and Jeffrey Crook

Format: DVD 4 Films Collector’s Set Horror

“Claire Parker is going to die.  At the hands of a sadistic and depraved killer, she will endure a terrifying, unimaginably brutal death-and it will all happen again.”

My Story:

My Aunt got me this Collector’s Set a while ago, and I never got to watching any of them.  I picked Salvage first because I’m quite tired, it’s the shortest one, and I hope that this is alright and the others aren’t any worse.  Not too much of a story, but what can I say?

My Thoughts:

• It starts off in an automobile salvage yard.  Get it?
• Uh oh, doesn’t Claire know not to take rides with strangers?
• Camera shot of a tarp in the bed of the truck…stranger named Duke picking up Claire in her boyfriend Jimmy’s truck…this isn’t going too well.
• Wow, Duke actually dropped her off at her house!  Maybe he WAS Jimmy’s friend.
• “I just want to make sure you’re not dead or something!”-Claire on Jimmy’s voicemail. I think he’s under the TARP in Duke’s TRUCK.
• THERE’S SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE!  THE BACK DOOR WAS OPEN.
• Oh my God! Duke was in the house! That was graphic…
• Wait…the whole scenario is happening again?  Oh, nevermind, it’s just Jimmy picking her up.
• Ha, they’re horny teenagers.  It figures.
• The music is throwing me off a bit.  It’s pretty bad.
  
• Duke is on the bleachers! Don’t start doing sexual things UNDER them!  Oh okay, all is well now.
• Don’t fall asleep in the bathtub Claire! Duke is just like Freddy Kruger.
• If the voice was louder from the bathroom than from the basement…it’s probably not coming from the basement.  I feel like this would be mentioned on All That’s “Vital Information for Your Everyday Life.”
• Did she really just see Duke in a field…or was it just her imagination?
  
• Did she really just see Duke running for the police K-9 unit…or was it her imagination?
• Did she really just see Duke in the mirror…or should I stop asking stupid questions like this?
  
• Claire really shouldn’t be working graveyard shift at a gas station AND going to school.  Where’s the sleep in her schedule?
• I bet her mother is dating Duke…
• What is she doing, burning a lotto ticket on the job?!
• They did a good job blurring the logos…not.
• Is she really dreaming of Duke running from police again?  Sleeping on the job…OH MY GOD SOMEONE’S IN THE GAS STATION!
• She pressed the silent alarm, yet she’s going to move away from the security monitors to go after the suspect herself with a tire iron…it just would’ve been easier to wait.
• It’s DUKE! Aw nah.
• Oh jeez, she’s thumbing out his eyes!  How can he see where he’s going?!  Oh, he’s just a dream…right.
• The cops would be laughing at her.  They did NOT seriously ask her if she was high. HAHAHAHA!
• So she was hallucinating…okay.
• Duke is dead! Whaaaaaaaaat!?!
• Claire is dunzo, she just woke up in Jimmy’s truck, by herself, in the middle of nowhere.  OR IS IT JUST A DREAM?!?!
• “The only thing that’s real is what you feel…when I cut your head off.”-Duke.  Hands down, best line.
• Wait, what! There’s another murderer in the house WITH Duke? The flashy shadow with the *SHINK* noise of a knife just appeared!  What’s happeninggggg?
  
• “Bitch, are you crazy?”-Jimmy. Maybe the second best line.
• Claire would go to Duke’s abandoned house.
• “This place makes me want to take a crap.”-Jimmy. Who wrote his dialogue?
• Wow, farting sound effects=not funny and completely out of place.
• Alright, listen Crook Brothers…is Duke alive and killing Jimmy/Claire, or is Claire just insane?
• Claire’s not even sad anymore, she’s seen this all before.
• Oh wait, there’s the concern for Jimmy.
• Is this gonna be some sort of Jacob’s Ladder deal?
• The librarian absolutely just said “li-berry.”  Get your act together.
• How is Duke’s mouth so big and out of focus? Ridiculous.
• She’s not seriously gonna get away from Duke by pushing down the clutch of the truck and riding downhill.  What is this Night of the Living Dead?

The Verdict:

I would’ve liked the film if something was solved in the end.  I feel like the Crook Brothers used a lot of generic cop-outs for the film.  Like, they just took all of them and threw them into a film to see what they could do.  Hallucinations to dreams to waking up, you name it.  Apart from the story that was slightly repetitive, the acting was good.  And the filmmakers worked with their locations very nicely.  It was an eerie farm country setting in Ohio as good as any.  A well made film, though the story could’ve had a better conclusion.  Don’t get me wrong, it had me guessing til the end.  It just didn’t all piece together.  I don’t know if I completely missed something or if it was just lamesauce, as they say.  I wouldn’t recommend it, unless you’re looking for something to screw with your head a bit.  And not in the Saw kind of way, but like a mystery “what the hell?” kind of way.  Eh, I’ll forget about this whole movie in a week I’m sure.  OR IS IT JUST A DREAM?!