Father of Lies (2007)

Starring: DMX, Vivica A. Fox, Clifton Powell

Directed by Phenomenon

Format: DVD

Tagline: “Hell hath no fury like evil scorned!”

“Father of Lies is a supernatural thriller about the Bishop Calvin Jacobs (Clifton Powell).  As a child, Calvin hustled onlookers as a street preacher, but after the mysterious death of his father, he reported and pursued a legitimate vocation.  His natural charisma rocketed him to the status of Bishop of Living Waters Ministry, and an international, multi-million-dollar phenomenon, with television shows, CDs, magazines, and books to his name.  However, when a crooked accountant causes a $30 million debt and Calvin finds himself on the brink of disaster, he reluctantly accepts a deal proposed by his childhood friend to lose the debt via a shady business,am named Luther Heir.  Unbeknownst to Calvin, Heir is the head of a supernatural cult looking to take control of Living Waters and amass an army of followers.  Meanwhile, two FBI agents are hot on Luther’s trail.  As the annual revival approaches, havoc ensues as Calvin tries to break off ties with Luther, endangering the lives of his friends and family-and leading to an unforgettable climax.”

My Story:

This was featured in The Loot from yesterday, and we couldn’t hold off too much longer.  So, not necessarily in Leftovers fashion, we will watch this movie immediately.  It may be for the better to get it out of the way.

Our Thoughts (Kyle, Carly):

• boy starts reading them psalms…thousands show up in seconds.
• And by thousands, it’s like, 20. way more than should be there though.
• “keep up the good work?” he read a psalm for money on the street corner.
• you cant hear the dialogue.
• OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT AFRO. Is that Ol’ Dirty Bastard?
• nice tube socks
• …Are snake bites common in New Orleans? Did they cause a lot of deaths in ’71?
• i dont understand what just happened. it was awful acting. heart attack? snake bite? a lot of screaming? oh good he’s in the church praying to god. good. great.
• terrible choice of montage
  
• hello stereotypical black baptist church oh em gee
• that’s a fake microphone.
• I’ve lost track of all this pastor was talking about.  Carly was right, the audio is mixed poorly.
• Pastor to Bishop story of glory.
• that is NOT how you become a bishop.
• who was that lady? how was she mic’ed?
• is that their house?! good LORD!
• This is looking like Shelf of Shame material.
• Learn to use a camera please, auto-focus on someone’s face isn’t appealing.
• The Deacon is keeping some secrets…I bet he is.
• Was Calvin Jacobs the young guy in the beginning?
• Keep moving your hands up and down while apologizing to God, it’s fine.
• love that fake accent
• pastors wives unite! drinking out of tea cups that have no tea in them!
• ew stop listening outside the door.
• does tammy miller know shes not really crying? shes really really really not.
• “I’m interested in your soul, not your body.” BAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
• The non-believing white people staking out the black baptist ministry…
• YES DMX IS HERE!
• Luther Heir’s Satanic church?! Is that what this is?!
• What. Is. Happening?
• …okay, so evil spirits literally just attacked someone…
• This is so anti-Muslim, it’s not even funny.
• Father of Lies, I get it now! Because he is lying to everyone about where the money to save his church is coming from.
• that explosion was beautiful. blow up a car and just WALK AWAY. walk away, don’t look back.
• Suspicious white bags…cocaine or money?
• They seriously need to stop switching stories every minute.
• I’m tempted to put subtitles on, the background noise is completely overwhelming all dialogue,
• Stop fading in and out. Please.
• “His business is bloodshed.”
• Why would Calvin lie to the police…WHEN HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON?
• DMX showed up for like, three minutes.
• What, is Tammy a vampire?
• Was this edited on iMovie?
• Thank GOD DMX is back.
• I love out-of-focus shotsssss.
• DMX, don’t you show no love to homo thugs? Real spiritual.
• Why is there a screensaver behind Luther?
• 3rd snake is a charm.
• I wish I could hear what Luther is saying over Barbra’s crying.
• The audio is peaking. Really? REALLY?
• Luther, who are you Dr. Evil?
• Yeah, Calvin really talked down a child soldier with the words of God.
• LUTHER TURNED INTO A SNAKE?! THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.
• DMX, are you stuck to that pew? In the same position?
• Wow, that church isn’t very energetic anymore.
• Let’s arrest some people in the middle of church service.

Our Verdicts:

Unfortunately, Carly left before we got her verdict down.  But I can assure you, that by the last half hour of the movie, we really didn’t care what was happening because it was SO god awful.  The audio mix was probably one of the worst things I have ever heard.  I think the movie may have been edited on iMovie.  The director has ONE name, Phenomenon.  And I feel as if you have such a name, you should be making great films.  This has been put on the Shelf of Shame.  Officially. I don’t know what else to say.