Starring: Patty Duke, Jane Wyatt, Fredric Lehne
Directed by Sandor Stern
Format: VHS
“All hell breaks loose when the demonic force in Amityville for over 300 years once again comes to life- and escapes to a remote California mansion. There it finds what it craves most: the possession of an innocent young girl. Now her only hope is the strength and faith of a young priest – as he prepares to wage a soul-shattering battle against the powers of darkness…Enter, if you dare, the fourth dimension of sheer, unrelenting fear – in Amityville 4.”
Sandor Stern may ring a bell for horror fans as the director of the severely underrated Pin (1988). It also may ring a bell if you love made-for-TV movies as he has directed over twenty of them according to his IMDb. This is one of them, and the evil can only do one thing after Amityville 3D, and that is escape. We’re going (going) back (back) to Cali (Cali). Have I made that joke before on The Leftovers? Found this on VHS, ripped that VHS to a DVD and then sold the VHS on my treasure-hunting Etsy shop called HorrorFinds. Even though I went through all that effort to keep a copy of the film, it does NOT equate to my desire to watch the film. So this burned DVD has sat, like so many before and so many to come…until now. The evil escapes from my movie shelf and into my DVD player.
P.S. – Amityville 4-7 are coming out via Vinegar Syndrome in less than a month. My interest is piqued BIG time.
Thoughts:
- My assumption was that this was a script that was shopped around but needed some pre-existing intellectual property to be attached. However, this is based on a novel. Added to my must-read list.
- Upon further review, the book is a book of short stories. I don’t know what and what isn’t the source material here.
- The flies aren’t scary to me, just super gross.
- The scariest part of the Amityville house is its faulty wiring.
- Helen and I are kindred spirits – we just buy crazy crap at yard sales to give to people who don’t like crazy crap as much as we do.
- We’re also kindred spirits because we are always cutting ourselves on said crazy crap.
- Also, this movie is about a haunted lamp. I knew this going in, but I realize that you might not have because there is no indication on the cover art nor the description.
Flute music comes in HOT when our story takes us to California.- Oh, Fred the bird is gonna get it, huh?
- Oh, Pepper the cat is gonna get it, huh?
- “Remember when Dad and I took that thorn out of your paw?” That’s how we’re introduced to an absent father? C’mon now.
- Shout out to the moms who have nothing nice to say to their daughters, even when their daughters’ husband passed away!
- This lamp is doubly evil because it hikes the electric bill way up.
- This interaction:
- Song mysteriously comes on the radio.
- Nancy (Mother): “That was our song. Frank and I’s…”
- Alice (Grandmother) rolls her eyes.
- Nancy: “…Maybe that’s Frank’s way of welcoming us. Maybe he thinks it’s a good idea.”
- Alice: “Just a coincidence, that’s all.”
- And then Alice burns her hand on the handle of an electric kettle that is still on the stove?
- Why does Alice have to be so shitty already?
- Really gonna need this lamp to walk or move or do something other than glow.
- Oh, Peggy the maid is gonna get it, huh?
- Nancy: “I hoped I wouldn’t be disrupting your life too much.” No, no, no, moving yourself and three kids, all blanketed with grief, into grandma’s house is not disrupting at all!
- RIP Fred. Absolute icon.
- Earlier, Grandma Alice made the most grandma-y snide comment about Ryan’s hair…but she’s absolutely right. It’s bad.
- If someone doesn’t proclaim that the “evil has escaped,” then why write this movie?
- The elder priest used “transmigrate” twice, but the motherfucker won’t just scream the evil escaped?! JUST SAY IT! PLEASE!
- Holy. Shit.
- Mother and daughter up at wee hours of the morning, not able to sleep, full bathrobes. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t able to sleep and felt the need to do that. Is this privilege?
- Supernatural tetanus is a real bummer.
- This demon’s favorite attack is burning the palms of hands.
- “I love lamp.” Jessica, youngest daughter, probably.
- Old people just love wearing huge cotton robes over their nightgowns. It really doesn’t matter what climate they live in, either.
- If your movie is made-for-TV, then everyone who wears pajamas has to wear LAYERS. It’s in the RULES.
- I finally figured out who Amanda, the eldest daughter, looks like:
- That wasn’t nice, she doesn’t really look like this. But I thought it was funny enough. Bless up, Amanda.
- Amanda freaked out because her mom bought the charcoal toothpaste instead of Crest, puh-LEASE.
- Oh, nevermind, water is black. That’s a problem.
- Alice: “I’m not made of money!” Yeah, my house is only five stories! I’m going in to town in my Mercedes! Don’t forget we have the horse races this afternoon!
- These made-for-TV movies can be brutal, but the horror ones usually have at least one batshit crazy scene. So far, this has had the chainsaw scene and now the plumber’s death. So good.
- “Why would a priest be calling about a lamp?” Valid question, Ryan.
- “Mom, if you say Jessica is responsible for this, I will hit you.” Communication is key, elder abuse is not.
- Father Kibbler has a consistently crazed look. I want him to be referred to as “The Kibbler” and cut a sick promo on the demon lamp.
- THE EVIL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE LAMP!
- Third use for “transmigrate.”
- The Kibbler and Nancy are so extra during their dinner conversation. I want them to go back to the house and search for the evil Wet Hot American Summer style.
- Big California mansion, yet no screens in the windows. “I’m not made of money!”
- Grandma Alice is absolutely useless, and she’s no-selling the shit out of this demonic encounter.
- Want to know how we find out that the house is built on a cliff? It’s when Grandma Alice picks up the heavy lamp that’s bigger than her, throws it through the window, and the lamp plunges to the beach below.
- Closing thoughts: praises for the cat not dying, I wonder if anyone found the plumber’s body, and the lamp remained inanimate the whole time.
The Verdict:
MFW I finish a pretty awful but sort of fun sequel to a classic horror property:
Straight up not good. But it also makes me want to get the Blu-ray from Vinegar Syndrome so I can see this, It’s About Time, A New Generation, and Dollhouse in the BEST QUALITY POSSIBLE. This movie feels particularly of its time and, admittedly, it had to be difficult making a made-for-TV horror movie at this time. Stern went all in as far as he could with a few scenes, and those choices make those scenes totally weird and super fun. Made-for-TV movies are the restrictor plates of the horror genre; sometimes they are awful and slow, and sometimes they make for really fun watches.
I also revisited my review of The Amityville Horror (1979) from 2010. My wife and I watched the movie again recently, and I don’t think it deserves as much praise as I decided to give it as a 17-year old boy.
The Leftovers 